Disgaea Interviews
by Calico Yorki
Summary: I interview Disgaea characters, quite simple. I also take anonymous mail from real and fictional individuals. However, though it's anonymous, you can give your name, and if you do, your name is known, so it isn't! Lovely! Rated T. Interview One: Etna!


_Note: Prinnies were harmed during this interview. And before this interview. And after. Since it's Etna, we can expect this. Though, you should remember the lesson this interview will teach - Show Prinnies some love once in a while. They work hard so we don't have to._

...

**Yorki:** Hello, there.

**Etna:** Nice to meet you! Any reason _I'm_ the first interview?

**Yorki:** Because you're the most beautiful demon girl in the Netherworld!

**Etna:** Aww, you're quite the charmer! ...And you knew that _I'm_ still the one you should be scared of. Since you've only played _Disgaea DS_, you associate _me_ with the trait of 'Dangerous Disgaea Divas', I've heard...Is that right?

**Yorki:** Why yes, my dear, that is correct! However, I've also done a lot of research, and happen to know your addiction to sugary confections, pastries, and all that manner of snacks.

**Etna:** ...I'm not sure I like where you're _going_ with this.

**Yorki:** Oh, you're right to be cautious. Just don't hurt me, my assistants, or my staff, and I can promise you _unimaginable_ tasty treats!

**Prinny 1:** Etna only came for the free blackberry cobbler, dood.

**Etna:** Yup. [Smirk]

**Yorki:** Actually, there will be _no_ snacks until the interview is _over_! It was _aaall_ part of my elaborate plan, you see!

**Etna:** ...Figures. Fine, go on.

**Yorki:** Very well then. First of all, I would like to ask - Is it _true_ that Prinnies reincarnate faster the _worse_ you mistreat them, or is it merely a way for you demons reassure yourselves that you aren't so uncivilized that you have to mistreat your servants for fun in the manner of humans?

**Etna:** I'm not sure, but I'd guess it's a little of Column A. and a little of Column B. Surely an _intelligent_ fellow like yourself understands the pleasures of having control?

**Yorki:** As a matter of fact, yes! But unlike your enjoyment of brutalizing others, _my_ pleasure comes from seeing those of lesser intelligence than myself dancing like puppets on a string!

**Etna:** I see...You, Prinny.

**Prinny 2:** [Gulp] Y-yes, ma'am...?

**Etna: **Footstool. Now.

**Prinny 2:** You got it, dood!

[At this point, the Prinny laid on his side so that Etna could rest her feet on him]

**Etna:** Delightful.

**Yorki:** I simply _must_ start hiring Prinnies again. Speaking of - What do you think of the occasional hentai featuring you and Prinnies?

**Etna:** I think there are some Prinnies who are _delusional._

**Yorki: **Well, I can understand how many would see a master like _you_ as an object of affection. Besides your harsh treatment, you are very easy on the eyes, if I may say so.

**Etna:** You _may_ say so. Keep up the flattery - You're good at it.

**Yorki:** That's what I've been told. Before we get to some mail-in questions, I have to ask - Will you let me join you later for a game of Prinny Toss? I'm sure you can tell what the objective of the game is - We throw Prinnies at objects to see if the explosion can destroy things!

**Etna:** Oho! I like! You're close enough to being a demon for _me_, Yorki-kun - You should show this _dastardly_ side more often.

**Yorki: **I get that often. Now, for some anonymous mail from my Netherworld readers. Let's see...

**Etna: **How delightful.

**Yorki:** Ah. One for you, from Blair Forest. Ahem - "Dear Etna, I'm a Warslug named Busk. A Succubus named Remilia, a good friend, has been very nice to me and helped me with some personal problems. I want to give her a gift on her birthday next month, to really show my appreciation for her support. However, I'm really worried that she might think I'm trying to put a move on her and become uncomfortable with me - I mean, she's single, and I have a _bit_ of a crush, but I know that she wouldn't like a chubby ol' Warslug like me; I just want her to know that her kindness needs a lot, and that she can count on me. Do you have any gift ideas that would be good for a simple 'thanks'?"

**Etna:** Simple. Succubi love things that complement their outfits, and I know Blair Forest has a lot of accessory stores. Get her an accessory like a belt or a wristband with her favorite colors or her favorite ensemble theme. For instance, if she likes purple outfits and heart designs, you can get her a purple belt with a heart-shaped buckle. Then, in the birthday card, just make sure that her help means a lot, and that you always have her back if she needs _your_ help.

**Yorki:** Alright, then. Next is - ...Oho. Ohohohoho.

**Etna:** ...What is it?

**Yorki:** Girlfriend, you are gonna _love_ this. From Blair Forest: "Dear Etna,_ I'm a Succubus named Remilia_."

**Etna:** No way!

**Yorki: **It just. Gets. _Better._ "There's a Warslug named Busk who I kinda like. I gave him some help to try and let him know I want to get closer, but he's just too hard on himself - It doesn't occur to him that I really, _really_ like him...This is the only guy I've ever liked genuinely, not for just looks or money. And I've liked Busk for _three-hundred years_. How should I let him know?"

**Etna:** ...Well, I think the answer's obvious. Get him alone, and you tell him that you care about him. I think by now, if you're both readers, that you should be aware of each other's feelings - So, go ahead and start something. If a Demon Prince can love an Angel Trainee, I think a Succubus and a Warslug can make it.

**Yorki:** [Removes monocle to wipe a tear from eye] So..._Romantic._ I have a feeling that those two lovebirds are gonna have a great relationship. Here's the last letter - From...Hm. The Haunted Farm. I don't get letters from _them_ very much. Anywho, "Dear Etna and Yorki, I am an Alraune named Hailey. I've recently moved to the most successful farm in the Netherworld, I'm loving it here, and my friends think I'm an excellent gardener. However, I have a colony of freakin' Fraggles living under my house! How do I stop the Fraggles from stealing my famous Trembling Radishes?"

**Etna:** ...Seriously, I'm not a farmer, and why would a human writer know how to deal with this? Honestly, this is -

**Yorki:** Oh, that's simple, Hailey! You once sold me some _delicious_ Onions of Despair, so I'd be happy to help you out.

**Etna: **...This should be good.

**Yorki:** Firstly, adopt a healthy litter of Doozers. You know, the little guys who were always with the construction? Next, take one of the Doozers, and impale it on a spike. Place a little flag on him that says 'Fraggles Forever', and be sure to place the impaled Doozer between the two colonies. This will start an _underground war_. The Doozers will no doubt win, as they have the weapons of mass destruction. The Fraggle colony will be wiped off the face of the Netherworld! Finally, when you're through with the Doozers, _kill them._ They're only a few centimeters tall, it'll be easy to do. I sincerely hope your garden flourishes without these menaces, Hailey - I look forward to my next visit to the Haunted Farms!

**Etna: **...Oookaaay. I'm not sure how you know that, but something tells me your advice will be more helpful than mine. Care to reveal your sources?

**Yorki:** Actually, I first learned that info from watching YouTube!

**Etna:** Fine then. Any more questions?

**Yorki: **Yes. Is Vyers gay, or European?

**Etna:** Meh, neither really. He's just flashy.

**Yorki:** I see. Thank you very much for your time. Now for a party! Let us go forth and rock! _Mayhem and anarchy unleashed!_

**Etna:** _Then_ snacks?

**Yorki: **Of _cooourse!_

**Etna: **Nice! [Kicks Prinny under her feet against the wall with an explosion] My Prinnies could use a party, I suppose. I need a little bit more chaos in my life.

**Yorki:** Alright. _Time for us to blow this scene._

[After Etna, Yorki, The Prinny Squad, and Yorki's Crew trashed the studio, they went on a riot that lasted for seven hours]

[Next Interview: Flonne!]


End file.
